A Homecoming and Change

My cousin Rylee comes home in a few weeks!!! She's been in the wonderful country of England for the last 18 months. I have to admit I'm excited. I can't wait to see her and honestly I can't wait to see the rest of the Nelson family clan. I have missed everyone, very, very much. So much has changed since I've seen everyone. I had a cousin get married, cousin's had babies, and other cousins have left on missions that I won't get to see for another 2 years! How fast everything changes.

It makes me sit back and think for a moment, about when Rylee left on her mission...About where I was than.

This is me...about a year and a half- Two years ago. Oblivous to everything that would soon happen.I couldn't even dream where my path would lead me in just a few short years, or how much I would change. At this point two years ago, I was casually dating a guy, it was really more of a fling in my opinion. He was sweet, and kind but would I tell you it would lead somewhere? Not on your life.

That's when I hopped on a roller coaster of confusion, joy and well...fear. I thought I knew what love was. I always thought movie love was cheesy and completely unrealistic. My version of love came from the books I loved so dearly. I didn't read the sappy romances, so in my mind, that love was completely plausible.

William was my best friend. I often referred to him as my "Flounder" (Little Mermaid reference). I loved him but I was waiting for the feeling described in books. That rush of emotion that never goes away, that thrill. I thought than that I had to have that to be happy. It wasn't until I made the mistake of almost losing him that I realized what love really was. Me and will had that and we decided not ever let that go.

May 5 2012, I married my best friend, and it was the happiest day of my life.  Life was wonderful, everyday I saw more and more what a wonderful man I had married. We brought out the best in each other, our weaknesses were the others strengths. My family saw a difference in me before I did, I didn't realize I was changing. What really hit me is when one of my friends came and said something sarcastic and it completely slipped over my head. At first I panicked when I realized I had lost my sarcasm. In the past it seemed like such a vital part of me. But than I realized I use to use sarcasm to feel clever and witty. In a way it was kind of a shield. With Will I didn't need that anymore, I didn't have to try to impress him. He loved me, for me. 

Than comes July 8 2013, we became a family of three. The day I was married still is the happiest day I can think of but this day...This day was the most miraculous, the most fulfilling, and perhaps the most life changing day that I had and will ever have. Pregnancy and Labor are exsaughsting and difficult but holding our daughter for the first time...just makes the whole thing worth it. Addie is almost a month old now and I can hardly believe time has flown by so fast. In a way I am saddened at how fast she is growing. I'm trying to savor every moment, because I know how much I'm going to miss this. Will constantly reminds me about how much fun we will have with her though. The first time we hear her little voice say "I love you" and the first time she will hug us.

Two years ago I would have never dreamed that this would be my future. Two years ago I was a completely different person than I am now.  I wonder how different I'll seem to Rylee now, I wonder how different Rylee will be. Or  for that fact how different the rest of my cousins will be.I guess that's how  life is though, things change, we change, nothing can stay the same forever. In a way I've kind of had a theme for my life "plan for the future but live for the moment"  Every second that ticks by we'll never get back. And with how fast life is moving...I'd like to look back and feel like I didn't waste a single one.

Addie's Birth Story

Last belly picture

7/6/2013  12:00 am: Contractions started,  they were 5 minutes apart and lasting 1:30 min. I had back and hip pain but was convinced they couldn’t be actual contractions.

                5:00: Contractions slowed to one every 20-30 minutes

                8:00: Still having the slow contractions so I called my mom. Found out that I was in actual labor I just somehow got it to stop. My mom said if they got closer together or more painful to go to the hospital and to call and let my dr. know what was happening

                9:00-12:00 Contractions came every 20-30 minutes with out stopping, if I got up and moved around, they settled into a rhythm again. So I put myself on bed rest. I couldn’t reach my Dr. so I had the hospital call him and let him know.

7/7/2013   12:00 am Still having the constant contractions

                11:00 am Went to church contractions went down to 15 minutes apart lasting 30 seconds.

                12:00 Contractions were 10 minutes apart lasting 50 seconds

                1:00 Contractions were 7 minutes apart lasting 1:15. Everyone could tell I was in pain, I decided to go home.

                2:00 Contractions slowed back down to 10 minutes apart

                3:00 Contractions slowed to 20 minutes apart

                8:00 We had company over

                11:00 Wasn’t counting contractions since we had company over still but they were now painful enough they took my breath away. Once they left, I turned to Will and let out a sob. He hadn’t realized I was in so much pain. Tried walking around, it didn’t stop them.

               

7/8/2013     12:00 Hot shower didn’t stop them, I was in tears because of the pain, Started clocking the contractions. They were 7 minutes apart lasting 1:30 each.  I was battling the thought if I was in real labor or not. I didn’t want to spend tons of money on nothing.

                12:55 We decided to go to the hospital. I didn’t care if it was expensive I just needed the pain to stop. Will grabbed everything we might need, just in case.  The drive took us barely 5 minutes. I just kept thinking I was being a wimp and that the pain was all in my head, But I kept having this nagging thought that this could be it. This could be real.

                1:10 We were admitted into the hospital, fully expecting drugs and then for them to send us home.  The nurse ask if I was in constant pain and I explained that I was around my lower abdomen and hips. She informed me real labor doesn’t normally have constant pain but she’d check everything out just to be sure. Will helped me change into my gown and I got hooked up to all the spiffy monitors.

                1:15 It all became real. The nurse told us I was 5 cm dilated. We were going to have our baby! Such a wave of emotions came over both of us. I was thunderstruck, excited, terrified and full of relief that I was finally done being pregnant.

                1:15-2:50 Contractions suck.

The nurse helped me figure out what it meant not to “fight” the contractions and that helped I was no longer crying. Will kept telling me how awesome I was doing.

                3:00 Got epidural!!!! Thought it would be so painful and kept waiting for it. Imagine my surprise when they told me it had already been in for several minutes. I didn’t even feel anything!

                3:00-7:00 Shaking like crazy (Will thought maybe I was cold) apparently the body registers high pain even though I couldn't feel it (Yippee!!!) sending a rush of adrenalin which causes shaking.  I couldn’t sleep, I had to much on my mind, this was it, it was really happening.

                7:00 Got started on Pitocin cause I was stuck at 7 cm dilated

                8:40 Dilated to a ten…Time to push! I would just like to say that pushing is nothing like the movies at all. You have nurses doing some fun things and when they say push it’s not a dainty push you freaking push your guts out. The nurse was really impressed with how well I was doing. She said that most first time mom’s are afraid to push correctly and thaI was exhausted by the end.

                9:10 Addie Lorraine Casper was born. Will was teary eyed as he said “Honey you did so great! There’s our little girl. Oh sweetheart she’s gorgeous” The took her away and cleaned her and then set her in my arms. As I watched our little girl wiggle I started to cry. I recognized those movements as the same I had felt while she was inside me. I started sobbing “I know  you…I know you”  and as I held her I didn’t feel that huge rush of love or anything that I read in books but instead felt a sense of this is always how it was meant to be. And as I looked down at the little girl I had carried for 9 months I suddenly realized I had no idea how I survived without her. She made our family feel…complete and whole.

Addie is now a week old,  and I couldn’t be happier. I’ll sit there and stare at her for hours. She makes this little face and puts up her hands so she always seems to look as though she is in deep thought. Her eyes whenever she’s awake are moving everywhere in a curious almost calculating way that makes me nervous for when she’s old enough to toddle around. Her legs flail around like she’s not quiet for sure what legs are used for. When she lies on my chest her little foot strokes my side and she stares up at me with these big trusting eyes and she has these sleepy smiles that makes me so happy. Me and will are just so in love with her and feel so blessed to have her in our lives :)